Good times are upon us!

13th April: Computer Application

16th April: English

19th April: Art and Architecture

Yes! Exams are finally here! Personally, this is my favourite month of the year because its that tiny cusp week where I don't need to worry about using my summer vacation productively, and at the same time don't need to worry about attendance and the steady labour of daily routine. You see, if it were holidays, I'd have to worry about summer internships and frequent whispering from Amma and Papa to do more than just watch movies. If it were college, then I would need to attend college and hence, wouldn't have too much time for myself.

But its...study holidays! Watching movies becomes reference reading, and watching obnoxious youtube clips becomes the short five-minute break from reference reading!

However, just a couple of minutes into my third movie of the day, I feel this pang of guilt: a worm-like thought disguises itself in the garb of righteousness and squirms its way into my brain. That little worm slowly grows, feeding on doubt, until I'm unable to concentrate on the movie. I can see the visuals on screen and I can see the gentle build-up of the characters but I cannot connect with the characters. Because I keep thinking, "I could be making these films with the time that I spend in front of this computer and I could be writing these wonderful scripts."

This makes me sad, because that once worm-like thought is now branching (I apologise for the conflicting un-creative metaphors.) out to other more serious doubts: What am I going to do after my degree? Do I really want to make films? Am I good enough for the industry?

I don't have answers, but I'm amazed at the sheer power of that thought. If it can make a post with a title 'Good times are upon us.' so filled with despair, how much more can it do to me if I have to carry it on for the next one year?

I hate doubt.